“And those who take as protectors others besides Him, Allah does watch over them; and you are not the disposer of their affairs.”
Surah Ash-Shura (Surah 42), verse 6
Of late I’m noticing how I’m losing the utter trust I used to place on Allah for most of my matters and finding different people to fill in instead. I’m meeting new people, I’m finding comfort in the old and the new ones in my life, I’m falling in love with some, out with others, I’m gravitating towards qualities I’ve always admired and holding on to this person for reason “a”, that person for reason “c” and that other person for reasons “d”, “f”, “q” etc. Of course with all this loving and discoveries comes a realization that none of these will ever come even close to perfection and that they will disappoint me and that the void I’ll feel as a consequence to those disappointments will be something I’ll have to deal with on my own. I’m not trying as hard anymore to better myself, more out of the excuse of never being able to attain perfection (in human form) than anything else; what I need to inculcate fully is the conviction that whatever I try to do will be rewarded with and the more I try, the more I’ll get CLOSE to what I admire as opposed to staying stupidly and frustratingly stagnant.
Anyway, so all these transitions of late and turbulent interactions and I hit upon this verse that talks about protection and how He’s the Only Protector really – not this friend for a certain aspect of my life, not a parent for another. I’m coming to understand that this human psyche of wanting things in tangible forms is pretty much equivalent to the losers who asked the Messengers of miracles, of signs, of proofs to convince them of the God they (the Messengers) talked about having to obey and worship. We ARE those losers and sadly enough, we seek for signs most days of the week, we seek reassurance from humans, we convince ourselves that this person or that has our back. I, for one, keep waiting for SOMETHING to happen before I can fully apply the knowledge I’m trying to gain. I either keep myself away from texts that I know will help me or I read them and not apply them because of this reason or that. EITHER WAY, I’M TOTALLY GETTING IT WRONG! I have to start doing things from today, from now on. I have to get the answers and bring changes now… and I have to do them with the understanding that all the people I’m holding on to in my life because of the beauty I see in them, well they are His CREATIONS… meaning He’s SO MUCH MORE than all that beauty combined, meaning the world should stand on one side and Him on the other. ALWAYS! Whatever I do for His pleasure will always give me more peace if only I were to truly apply that and not just talk about it. And I’m pretty sure if all I do is for His pleasure, His Mercy would translate into everything falling perfectly in place through the tests and the rewards, through the good times and the bad He Plans out for me. It’s just about placing trust in the Deity that convinces me of His unending Mercy and Protection and Friendship if I’m interpreting this correctly, not once but at least six times (48: 6, 9, 28, 31, 44, 46) in the same Surah!
If, however, and this is where it can get scary, I choose to find solace in the people He’s Blessed me with and not Him completely… I’m doomed. I won’t see it; I’ll feel great about the people in my life, the material gains He’ll still Allow to happen but soon enough my utter stupidity will become clear and my misdirections thanks to nafs and arrogance will lose all meaning just like that. Just like that! When you’ve become part of the rat race of this life you stop seeing things. My vision is blurry at the moment but I’m trying to understand and I seek His Protection, more from my own nafs than the world around me. May He Guide me better and Help me in the journey I’m trying to resume.
The reason why I’m not hitting upon the latter bit of this verse is because first I need to rid myself of the need for people and take Him as My Protector alone before wondering about other people using people and machines as fillers for the voids in their lives. Regardless, I’m not responsible for other people anyway.