Rabi Al-Sani 8, 1431
“And there is the one among the human beings who worships Allah on the fringe (indecisively), that is if one good befalls him he is content. And if he is tried with adversity he turns his attention towards his back (away from Allah). Suffers losses in both; in this world and the hereafter. That is clearly a big loss.”
Surah Al-Hajj (Surah 22), verse 11
That’s me, mostly.
You can find me in a fetal position when things go wrong… and you’ll find me beaming with positivity and love for Allah when things are agreeable. Sometimes when things are really really wrong, you’ll find me begging for His Mercy and making prayers furiously. Ugh.
I’m a disappointment to myself when my yo-yo attitude manifests itself in various forms. Like these days, when final year is beginning to take its toll on me, when my hospital is loathe to me (for oh so many reasons!), when the subjects are killing me, when I’m unable to update this blog which means neither am I reading the Quran as much as I should, nor am I living by it. Ugh.
The above verse is followed by: “Rather than Allah they plead to others who cannot harm him and who cannot benefit to him…” I don’t think I do that, I’m mostly silent on my problems and just ponder (excessively) and procrastinate things until I get tired of the gloominess. It’s the time when I’m least productive and it’s the time when I have random bouts of glorifying Him. I think I pretend to be His obedient slave who remembers Him during the dark times… but who am I kidding? He Knows I haven’t trusted His decisions the moment I decide to lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling for hours because nothing matters at that point. My mom is of the opinion that feeling sad about your life, in general, equates to hopelessness which equates as a kind of disbelief and mistrust in Allah and I’m beginning to really see her point. My dad always preached that I gotta stay positive no matter what or rather, ESPECIALLY when things aren’t going right because that’s a true indicator of my character. I slip ever so often and it makes more sense than ever, that one should always surround himself with people who have great ideas and great knowledge and above all, a strong faith in ALL that He Does for us. That way, when one slips, the others help him get back to where he wants to be and when he’s there he can hope to help his companions out if the need be.
May Allah Guide me.